Throw the stone, put down the boss....but the stone will come back

There's night like this, when you take time to think about what you've done and maybe I find myself overthinking. Or maybe I just never took the time to think at all. I'd like to be a jellyfish to just not think about writing sentence like this, to not think at all. period. but that would be sel-fish (I dare you to not laugh, I double-dare you)

I like Emma stone, like pretty much. Tonight while seeing the new spider-man movie I kind of realised something. I asked myself why do I like her so much, what do I love in seeing her? Because her face and eyes really look alike this ancient girl of mine, Justine. and then it's like a part of my  toughts became so clear to me. take this actress and add it to the "I love this" container. and then look at everything else in this container and wonder why they are here. I like fences, I like shore, I like customs, I like ants, I like the way I'm spreading peanut butter on my toast, crunch chunk maple cereal, etc. because it reminds me of what she used to mean to me, not what she actually means right now. And that is a big difference I just discovered.
I had to write it down somewhere.

In fact, I'm waking up thinking I just failed at some point, and I tend to forget that I litteraly cut the rope by myself, I threw the stone with my own hand. I let her go, because she wasn't able to do it herself. she needed it, to get away. She really deserved that. and tonight I'm proud of it.

I threw the stone to put down that boss, but there will always be a Emma stone telling me that I miss you and I always will. Accepting it is half of living with it.

For the rest, I'll be fine.

"This is how I go, forgiving myself, and saying thank you for everything"

Sometimes, Life can be a well played Tetris game

Oh  my gosh.

I'm a huge fan of the band Yellowcard and they just released a new song, Awakening, for their upcomming album Southern Air on august 14th. The thing is that this new song is actually a freakin representation of what I was trying to say in my last post! Yellowcard as always been like that to me. It's probably just because I tend to take something that means a lot to me and somehow I force a way to make it related to me. You know, if you try to find the number 23 in everything you see, you will. It's maybe like that with the lyrics of the songs I like. anyway. I just want to share this song because its amazing. It's like looking at a thousand dogs that rub their butthole on the floormat, at the same time. Hardcore epicness. whatever. I can also compare this to a tetris game : In one play, no piece can be placed in any acceptable order, at any seconds everything will crumble, you can't control anything. In another play, you see all the possibilities, every block have his clear place in your head. This song is actually a block that I know what to do with it. And it's good because I suck at tetris. hard time.

here's the song:

It's not like I'm gonna ask you to understand what those lyrics mean to me, in fact you couldn't guess. Too personnal. I used to sand music video to make people understand my feeling and it always ended up they never understood what I meant, or saw the same feeling that I had. It's a stupid way to make people understand your feelings. at least I learned something.

"At least you know that I still care enough to write"

Paradox of the day : New mission : Refuse the mission

Summer Christmas : an Optimistic Depression

Holy moly, people! I thought I would forgot about this blog, well about that whole idea of writing to find a relief. Since I'm not in a good mood these days, I thought it could be good to start over, this time to make it even more personnal than before.

The problem still remain the same. I'm caught in this firetruck storm of bullshit and disappointment of my every day routine. it began with the lost of what was the most important thing I had 1 years and a half ago : my girlfriend. But I never, never, ever thought that this missing piece, this hole would have made me be like the worst swiss cheese ever existed. I don't like hole in my mind, neither imagine me as a walking swiss cheese that don't like his own holes.Yes, since this shit happened, I got over it, of course. But those freakin flashbacks, about everything I do or think remind me of what I've lost. What's the link with christmas? This time of the year remind me of her. She was Christmas. I mean, litterally. I used to sneak her when she was sleeping and disguise her as a christmas tree, pour some water on her and wrapping her body into christmas light. Then I would just film her and upload it on youtube. I'm kidding, but it would have been awesome don't you think? 

This week, I randomly found a music album I forgot. The christmas album from Relient K : Let it snow, baby...Let it reindeer. Since christmas is my favorite time of the year, I associate it with her and suddenly I'm suprising myself remembering that she's not here anymore. I'm stupid like that. It's like i never accepted it. I just forgot it time to time due to my impressive ability to forget thing. I really forget everything, I have to make a list of everything. I'm pretty sure I forget to breathe sometime, that would explain the burst of imagination I can have. I can be hours thinking of absolutely nothing and then OMG A FREAKIN' SHARK TOOK A SHIT IN MY TOILLET. nope DOom, it's only the oatmeal you threw off to not stuck the sink. you prick.I can forgot what's my age, what I said 10 minutes ago. I can even forget name of my best friends. I'm that good at it. 

Well, before I forget what I want to say, let's just say that I'm in an optimistic depression these last weeks. Listening to christmas song in july is pretty much unsual but ho-so-much valuable in term of keeping my brain stable, or at least keeping it from reaching an infinite sadness state that would actually made me looks like swiss cheese. I tend to forget to take care of myself when I'm sad. we are talking about forgetting to eat and wash myself. yep. I told you. I'm really good at it. 

The nice thing this time : I keep telling me that it's alright, because I don't have much to lose right now. I could move to another country and nothing really matter. My friends are working or really busy, in a relationship or planning to moving somewhere else. so talking to them on the internet from quebec of from chicago would still mean I'm dork alone in front of my lovely LCD screen. I have hope that I will get better. and its actually getting me better, somehow. I feel like I don't know what I'm doing at all, like a baby trying to built a swiss watch by shaking a box containing all the pieces. Hardcore mode. I don't know what to do in the future, but I know that I still feel sad about it while knowing I'm way much better that last year. I feel alone while being surrounded by tons of people. I believe that I won't be understood so the only place I can feel safe its here. my friend don't look here, the only people that will is people I don't know so. it doesn't matter. it makes me feel good to write it somewhere and maybe someone will benefit of my stories.

Still, I'll make this next christmas different. I don't know how but i'll try to make it better, knowing that it could never be better than those I spent with her. are you getting it? this is why I call this an Optimistic Depression.

Have a good summer christmas!

"When life gets you lemons...get mad!"

Okay ok ok. let's be optimistic. wait...not this time.

The challenge of time tell me to take what have and get the good juice out of it, appreciate things when they happen, appeciate details and go forward with that sweet bevrage. I got through thinking and said yes. I moved my minds on anything else that could help me but this just come back again to this ONE thing : What the hell am I doing. I'm not angry, i'm not depressed nor feel the need of vengance. I'm just sick of people around here not giving a f*ck about what I'm telling. I don't talk about this blog. this blog is underground and that's why I keep writing on it. let me explain.

I'll start with this very first quote from a game named Portal 2 :

When life gets you lemons, don't make lemonade out of it. GET MAD. 'cause it looks like it's the only way to make things change. I don't talk about getting mad at people and act like an a-hole. I think that when life throw you lemons you got to get mad in your way of thinking. It means to strongly focus on what's worth spent time on. It's like to learn to let got of those things that put you down, as long as they don't require further actions. Holding on something that is over will only put you in a vulnerable position and you don't want to continue like that.

Yes. I have to get mad to myself to just ....make it! and this video perfectly represent what I mean. and after thinking about it I realized that it actually help me. at work, in relationship with others, even with myself.

So, I just wanted to share with you what some quote of this game just made me think about what happening right now and I think that there's something to take of it. You do want to appreciate those moments when you feel that you're going straight. it's an awesome feeling.

Video games aren't that bad, don't you think?

New blog section - Follow up the news for Ocarina of time 3DS

As everything is evolving too fast (except those freaking Pokemon that took too much time to evolve into something finally strong enough lol) , the Nintendo 3DS has now sold more than 3.6 million Console worldwide which is awesome for a first 3D device that doesn't require special glasses. and the next big thing to happen on this console is, obviously, The Legend Of Zelda : Ocarina Of Time 3DS. Everything you need to know about it will be found on the new section at the top of this blog. Enjoy and comment as well.

Both Box art are delightful. Enjoy on June 19th

So be ready to overuse your 3DS from this and on. Jump to this section right here!