There's night like this, when you take time to think about what you've done and maybe I find myself overthinking. Or maybe I just never took the time to think at all. I'd like to be a jellyfish to just not think about writing sentence like this, to not think at all. period. but that would be sel-fish (I dare you to not laugh, I double-dare you)
I like Emma stone, like pretty much. Tonight while seeing the new spider-man movie I kind of realised something. I asked myself why do I like her so much, what do I love in seeing her? Because her face and eyes really look alike this ancient girl of mine, Justine. and then it's like a part of my toughts became so clear to me. take this actress and add it to the "I love this" container. and then look at everything else in this container and wonder why they are here. I like fences, I like shore, I like customs, I like ants, I like the way I'm spreading peanut butter on my toast, crunch chunk maple cereal, etc. because it reminds me of what she used to mean to me, not what she actually means right now. And that is a big difference I just discovered.
I had to write it down somewhere.
In fact, I'm waking up thinking I just failed at some point, and I tend to forget that I litteraly cut the rope by myself, I threw the stone with my own hand. I let her go, because she wasn't able to do it herself. she needed it, to get away. She really deserved that. and tonight I'm proud of it.
I threw the stone to put down that boss, but there will always be a Emma stone telling me that I miss you and I always will. Accepting it is half of living with it.
For the rest, I'll be fine.
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| "This is how I go, forgiving myself, and saying thank you for everything" |
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